No back in Section One.
You might remember I mentioned that people are influenced in terms of confidence in three different
ways.
Some people struggle with confidence and their identity.
Some people struggle in terms of the confidence the heart and their ability to learn and solve problems.
Other people struggle in terms of their confidence their ability to perform produce get things done.
Either skill set their talents the gifts.
What I wanted to write is no really star unpack in the human experience so you can not just understand
yourself better from the inside out.
It's so that moving forward you're also going to be able to better understand your future life coaching
clients.
All right.
Everything starts with you my friends right the amount of work that you do on your cell throat.
This course is going to directly impact how effective you going to be as a future life coach.
Are you with me.
Is this okay.
So what to talk about.
Developing self awareness you know.
This is me now getting into teacher mode.
I'm teaching you about how people experience life and also teaching you about you and also gonna be
talking about me right.
So that hopefully you can better relate these ideas to yourself as well.
This is just one of the ways in which I teach so we're talking about confidence here.
Just for a moment.
Know what I'm going to suggest is generally when a client comes to you.
They are going to be struggling with confidence in some area of their life.
Why.
Because they are going to have goals.
They're going to have desires are going to have dreams they're going to have things that they want to
accomplish and do with their lifes but they just haven't taken the fourth step or they just haven't
committed to actually pursuing those paths just yet.
And this is always going to be a result of low confidence in one of those three areas either the confidence
that they have and who they are their confidence and their ability to learn and solve problems or the
confidence that they have to produce and get things done.
All right so now I want to do I want to break down confidence.
All right.
You've most likely heard the term self esteem and you might be thinking the self esteem is kind of the
same as confidence.
Well it kind of is and it kind of isn't as well so I'll share with you a few ideas here and hopefully
you'll you'll be able to work this out for yourself.
What I'm gonna suggest right is if you've ever known anyone who struggled with low self-esteem before
in the past and common advice that doctors and therapists and if you go online.
If you go if you go online and look for advice on how to grow and grow in confidence.
Most of the advice that's given over there is gonna work on your self-esteem.
Go ahead go work on your self-esteem that's fantastic.
So the idea one of the common cultural idea is that self-esteem fast confidence second working your
self-esteem then confidence comes about as a direct result.
It doesn't work like that whatsoever.
All right.
What I'm going to suggest is the self concept comes first and our self concept is just simply how we
see ourselves as how we define ourselves is who we believe ourselves to be.
All right so our self concept know we're always going to be looking and defining ourselves.
We're always doing this because we're meaning making machines.
So say for example a person rejects us or we lose a job or we're in a relationship with someone and
then we get dumped or something like that or cheated on.
Or worse we are gonna draw meaning from this will all ask questions such as What's wrong with me.
Why am I not good enough.
Can you relate.
Course you can because we're all human we all go through the same stuff all right.
So our self concept is always gonna be based upon how we evaluate ourselves.
We evaluate ourselves as we assign meaning onto the outcomes that we experience generally on a relational
level.
This could be professionally personally socially and intimately.
We've got the social self don't we.
We've got this version of us who we like to present in public places.
You know what I mean by that.
Our public persona.
So there's the US that we want other people to think that we are.
Well the problem with this public persona is nine times out of ten people conduct themselves and quite
false ways.
And when we see this when we can see the solos and it's nine times out of ten pretty pretty easy to
gauge.
We know when people are being false don't we.
We know when people are putting on a show.
But what we don't always appreciate and what we don't always understand is that when people are putting
on a show or when people are trying to be someone that they just aren't they're operating out of a place
of complete and security.
All right.
F our self concept i.e. who we want to become isn't actually lining up with who we actually are at the
core that we're operating in a completely incongruent way so as life coaches this is one of the main
aspects of life in our clients that we really want to be addressing in congruence is because when a
person isn't being congruent.
Well that is just a reflection of the fact that they are not confident and secure in who they are.
No.
In the next section I'm going to be shared with you a model that I designed around about seven or eight
years ago called the core identity coaching model.
No this has been hijacked and it's been they've been taught in other places around the world.
But it started right here in Ramsey towers yes it did.
And I developed this model for the purpose of helping people to separate their experiences in life from
those things that they do from how they feel from who they are.
All right.
Because most people in life define themselves by what they do by how they feel and by their pasts experiences.
All right.
I'm going to suggest that none of those things are really going to be sustainable for us in terms of
how we define ourselves so our self concept is always going to be this picture this idea of who we want
to be at some point in the future and when people were being very very false or very very fake what
we're seeing is them trying desperately to be this person who they really want to be and they're trying
to be someone that they're not because they haven't yet made peace or accepted who they are with me.
So self-worth self-worth is a different kind.
The second aspect off of our confidence and I like to have to frame this in a slightly slightly different
way.
Self-worth is the same as intrinsic value or intrinsic value is just the value that we place upon ourselves.
Do we believe ourselves to be valuable individuals.
Are we useful in society are we serving any purpose or are we making an impact in the world or are we
just focused on ourselves trying to get by and make a quick buck and make some money and live a happy
life.
What I'm going to suggest quite boldly here is that when a person is completely self consumed completely
self-centered isn't really too bothered about anyone else or anything else in the world apart from his
or her self then this is going to negatively impact their self-worth the value that the place upon themselves
because the only way we what are of the main ways that we grow in confidence and life is when we start
seeing other people are actually finding value in us.
I mean think about the times in your life when you've done a person a really good turn you've been really
generous or someone has asked you for some advice and you've given some advice to the best of your ability
or some guidance.
And then this passion is gone and applied something that you've shared and it's made a massive change
for them.
What do you feel about yourself if you are.
I was brilliant.
I feel really fulfilled.
I feel quite happy with that.
Why.
Because what you see is that you're earning really a valuable human being.
So could you imagine being in a place of life where you are literally giving of yourself all day everyday
making an impact change in the world changing your local town your village your city you might start
a charity or a social enterprise or you might just even build up and some sort of sustainable coaching
helping practice right is entirely up to you.
When we understand those core ideas how we apply them is kind of unlimited.
We can apply these ideas in any way that we want to but when we understand their self-worth All right
i.e. our intrinsic value and then say this is free to share this value with as many people as possible.
Now you got to understand the connection between our self-worth and the meaning that we assign on to
our life's events and experiences.
All right.
And this is a sticking point.
If we don't understand the part that perception plays in our current day reality i.e. if we've experienced
some rejections if we've failed a few times we didn't quite get the outcomes or the sponsors or the
results that we wanted in some area of life or some relationship that we were in.
And if we've drawn meaning from those events and experiences I'm not good enough I'm not lovable enough
I'm not smart enough I'm not pretty enough I'm not cool enough I'm not strong enough I'm not mature
enough I know this enough right our alter ego then and does its very very best to overcompensate for
that area or that aspect of our life that we feel we lack in.
Are you with me.
So when we come across people being false in life is not because they are trying to fool us or anything
else is actually because they've already filled themselves which is actually quite sad.
And when we understand this it makes it quite easy to really extend grace and compassion towards all
of these other imperfect people who are running about Planet Earth.
Don't expect to be treated like number one whilst playing the role of number two.
All right.
Have you ever you've ever heard the scene before they actually heard this.
I think it was when I was I was trying miserably to play rugby for the British Army.
No up top played renovate six months and I suck at it.
All right.
In fact I quite enjoy the sport until I came up against a Fijian Alright who dislocate my shoulder and
knocked me out cold.
I didn't play rugby no more no more after that the genes or some big boys.
No.
Here is the thing right.
Back then because I was really athletic back in my youth.
Right.
I just had this idea I had this self concept I can do anything I can do it all I can play all sports
because I'm a fast runner I'm kind of deluded myself just a little bit.
So here is me.
I was like I was expecting to be treated like no one because I thought I was number one but I just wasn't
skill with I just wasn't I just wasn't a skilled and talented rugby player.
Plus I didn't have the build didn't have the strength so cut the story short.
Yeah I obviously got my sorry little Scottish unasked and then I stopped playing and just went back
to doing what I've done the best and but many people do this in life don't they.
We try to make out that we are playing a better game than that which we're actually already playing
and if you think about this all right.
We can we can feel some people some of the time but we can't feel all people all of the time and eventually
if we are trying or if we have gotten away with pool win you know some sort of something over people's
eyes and fill in some people for some of the time.
Eventually we're going to get caught so it was true in all industries and walks of life is true for
us as coaches.
I've known many life coaches to get frustrated especially on some of my courses to Keenan Ramsay.
All I hear is blah blah blah with a Webber but well you're talking too much.
I just want a three simple steps.
Well guess what three simple steps isn't gonna give you any any insight and it's certainly not going
to allow you to become a competent practitioner or a competent coach.
All right these things take time.
The time that most people don't have patience for because they want instant gratification and want things
so quickly.
Our self-worth grows over time when we put the principles of well learning into practice which we must
do in the context of our own lives.
First and foremost before we then start sharing them in others.
But this just ties back in with an idea that is shared quite a few times No I'm not going to make any
apologies for getting a bit repetitive at times people write and this and this says that in order to
coach people most effectively in life we don't have to be a million miles ahead.
We just need to be a couple of steps ahead.
And here's the thing.
And in terms of us growing in authority as coaches or or and or as being helping practitioners it's
not taking courses like this or written textbooks or getting certificates that gives us authority in
life and we certainly can't go by authority from some authoritative governing body because authority
is non transferable.
Authority comes and only comes from our life experiences.
Are you with me.
It's a life experience that gives us the authority and the platform upon which to teach and guide and
coach other people through the processes that we ourselves have already been through.
Are you with me.
So if we have been through much then guess what.
We have a hell of a lot of value to offer.
If we haven't been through much or if we don't think we've been through much let let's just dig a little
bit deeper just to grow an appreciation for the extent of that which we've already been through and
which we have already overcome because my friend is these things it's the highs and the lows and the
challenges that you've already overcome in life.
Ultimately give your authority to share with other people so self-worth self-worth isn't fixed.
Alright I'm going to suggest self-worth is just something that we grow in awareness of over time as
we put the principles of learning into practice and the more we put them into practice apparently better
we become the more value.
Other people find in us and they will tell us and then we grow in confidence or self-esteem self esteem.
All right ties in with self-worth and a those but it's also influenced by self concept self concept
just to revisit as how we define ourselves as how we see ourselves our self-worth is our intrinsic value
is the value that we have to share with other people and whether or not we share this failure with other
people is gonna determine whether other people find value in us or not.
Now this may sound like some really basic simple stuff but I guarantee you it's this really basic simple
stuff that people do not practice reply in the context of their own lives.
All right.
Many life coaches especially around the world will make themselves out to be number one whilst playing
the role of number two and then wonder why they don't get any clients.
Wonder why they don't get any referrals because they have not gone there have not applied the stuff
that the learning to themselves.
When we do and when we start seeing and identifying that people are finding us as being valuable human
beings.
What they'll give us some feedback they will be appreciative of us remember.
And linguist no bank with their standard for life coaching.
In order for us to find the life coaching process that we're taking people through rewarding and fulfilling
people need to be open they need to be receptive so open to our input receptive enough to take the ideas
or whatever it is that we are sharing with them on and actually apply them in the context of their own
lives and as they do this we know they are going to grow we know they're going to change we know they're
going to become more confident and stronger versions of themselves.
And when we see this we grow in confidence.
So right now if this is the first life coaching training you've ever taken there's a pretty good chance
that you might be fair in confidence.
You might be thinking OK so some of this stuff makes sense.
I kind of get it.
I understand that.
I don't know how I'm going to start sharing with other people yet but guess what happens as soon as
you do right you're going to go from fair to building and then you're going to join the Practice makes
permanent community.
If you're not already in there you're going to start interacting with some of your other peers.
You're going to engage in some conversations they're going to ask some questions and you're going to
know what you're going to do how to respond.
Then you're going to say oh my goodness I actually know more than what I thought I knew.
And then you go from building to steady and steady to strong and then you join ecology and you get involved
in all the tryouts and you start practicing with other people.
And before you know it.
Bob's your uncle.
Funny is your aunt.
You are absolutely invincible Yarrow.
They are your practice and our life coach and other people getting paid for.
Or you've started a social enterprise or a social movement or you're out there making a massive impact
in the world and your self-esteem has just gone through the roof.
No I'm not.
I'm not even joking when I say that this is just a natural order of things.
If you personally right No I watched this video struggling with confidence then as a life coach you've
got to overcome yourself first and foremost before you can help other people overcome them selves.
Which means that the next section of this section you're going to find massively valuable if you are
already strong in confidence that some say fantastic.
This section and the next is hopefully just going to validate that which you already know might even
help you to fight to flesh out some of your current understandings.
But the main idea that I really wanted to present you with throughout this course is that confidence
doesn't just come like are just some breathing techniques or some exercises that we can take.
There's no quick fixes for this stuff folks.
All right.
Building self awareness growing and awareness of ourselves and our abilities in who we are and what
we are capable of in our intrinsic value is a process which therefore means that growing in confidence
and self-esteem and ultimately in authority in life is also a process.
So when a client comes along and I've had this in the past and they say oh I'm not feeling very confident
I want you to coach me in confidence that's a bit of a tall order.
Why.
Because they've got to already be committed to the process of moving and doing something.
There's an old saying in life and it's this you cannot steer a stationary ship.
I think it was my granddad used to say that I think he was in the merchant navy or something like that
for a few years.
And what this means is if a ship is not moving somewhere you can't steer it in exactly the same way.
If a person is not already moving in a certain direction you can't steer them in a healthier direction.
You with me.
Listen I'll wrap this video up No but just give these ideas some thoughts.
Right.
I'm not teaching you here in a conventional structured bullet point way.
Instead I'm doing my very very best to share with you the insights that I've gained through the experiences
that I've had of coaching other people in life.
Are you with me.
Is this okay.
I hope you find in this stuff goods and I look forward to seeing you again in the next clip.
Remember self concept fast good to get clear on how we're defining ourselves or who or how our clients
are defining themselves.
Before then we look at worth because unless we're actually being true to ourselves being authentic being
genuine I think our intrinsic value with sharing our intrinsic value with other people that no one else
is ever going to find a value which means we're never going to grow in confidence right.
Understanding and knowing for absolute sure that we are in fact and valuable human beings with me just
good stuff.
I hope so.
I look forward to seeing you in the next clip.